i argued with a toaster

i spent ten full minutes trying to fix my toaster today.

it wasn’t broken. i was just trying to shove in a piece of sourdough that was about 30% too wide for the slot. i rotated it. flipped it. gave it a stern talking to. at one point, i looked it in the chrome and said, “you had one job.”

the bread didn’t respond. because it’s bread. and the toaster stubbornly continued doing what it was designed to do—toast things that fit.

eventually, i gave up. tore the slice in half. it toasted beautifully. i ate it resentfully.

moral of the story?
sometimes it’s not the system that’s broken. sometimes your sourdough’s just too damn big.